I am built... Not born

I was just thinking about it all. How odd it is that here I am: 4 years into this change, this transformation... And I'm at the point where I feel I could be satisfied.

But I am not.

76 days ago I started a challenge: for no one but myself. I said, I want to make fitness a greater part of my life. I want to be consistent. I want to tone up. I want to feel strong and confident.

In the last 76 days what I've found is that I am stronger than I ever thought. I am willing to push. And more than anything else I long not to be average.

Someone, along the way: made the mistake of complaining to a fellow friend. She said: some people just look at the gym and lose weight. Those words fell on my ears and ripped something within me. I think it was that last stitch of doubt or restraint that I still had within me.

Weakness: I long and strive to get as far away from it as I can. I long to leave weaker beings behind. Never more have I felt I need to distance myself from people who wish away their days and blame others for their own physical state.

I did not: stare at the gym sign and wish away 160lbs. I did not gorge myself and become thin. What I see now is that I worked away all that I USED to be and I CAN work my way to whatever I WANT to be. There is no limit.

Fear and anxiety have their place: and so do doubts. But as I did 4 years ago: I'll take it day by day and savor every accomplishment.

I was never the cheerleader. I never dated the big ol' jock. I was not born into this realm of perfect looks and beauty.

I am built.

Every day I build a better me.

Someone at work asked me as I started this first challenge: "why are you doing this" - the answer is simple, be cause I can. Because yesterday I let myself believe life was for everyone else, but not for me. Fate allowed me to see that I was wrong. Life is for those who know that life is for living. Life is meant to be a struggle. Life is for learning. It is not meant to be lived "comfortable".

The gym bag's on the shelf until Monday...

But that's not to say that I'm not thinking about my program and what I'll do next week to stay on track and keep myself motivated.

This week was tough with a colleague passing away last week and the funeral starting the week off with a major slump. Tuesday I felt ill. Wednesday I had an appointment with Mathieu. I just haven't been "in it" this week.

Although I have been slacking off on the physical end of things I have improved compared to last week as far as my nutritional goals go. My aim this week was to decrease my consumption of sugar. Next week I hope to increase the amount of protein in my diet to 80-100g per day. The ultimate goal would be .9g of protein per lb (in my case 140g/day).

I'm also attempting to indulge less: once a week. Although I could cut this out completely I find it helps to keep me sane. I do push myself hard when I am at my best but I am human. I can't tell myself that I'll never eat another slice of cake in my life: it simply is unreasonable.

The plan for next week is to get myself to the gym 6 times. I'm not asking for perfection. I'm just asking myself to get there and to get through my workouts as best as I can. I can push once being at the gym becomes normal again.

Workout Plan:
Monday/Thursday: treadmill HIIT and Mathieu's Program
Tuesday/Friday: 5m jog 4x4B & C
Wednesday/Saturday: 10m hill or stair mill Upper body strength/lower body strength

Training resumes

So... It's been a while. Luckily I've upgraded my phone and acquired this nifty blogger app that should allow me to post more frequently.

I saw my trainer yesterday and got my new program. I suppose it wasn't what I expected. It seems a little laxed given what I've been building for myself as of late. Matt says its to ensure we don't injure something. I suppose I beliee him but I'm just used to pushing a lot harder than I was yesterday.

I didn't even break a sweat!

Clearly I'm disappointed. We'll see if that changes once I do the program more frequently.