I was just thinking about it all. How odd it is that here I am: 4 years into this change, this transformation... And I'm at the point where I feel I could be satisfied.
But I am not.
76 days ago I started a challenge: for no one but myself. I said, I want to make fitness a greater part of my life. I want to be consistent. I want to tone up. I want to feel strong and confident.
In the last 76 days what I've found is that I am stronger than I ever thought. I am willing to push. And more than anything else I long not to be average.
Someone, along the way: made the mistake of complaining to a fellow friend. She said: some people just look at the gym and lose weight. Those words fell on my ears and ripped something within me. I think it was that last stitch of doubt or restraint that I still had within me.
Weakness: I long and strive to get as far away from it as I can. I long to leave weaker beings behind. Never more have I felt I need to distance myself from people who wish away their days and blame others for their own physical state.
I did not: stare at the gym sign and wish away 160lbs. I did not gorge myself and become thin. What I see now is that I worked away all that I USED to be and I CAN work my way to whatever I WANT to be. There is no limit.
Fear and anxiety have their place: and so do doubts. But as I did 4 years ago: I'll take it day by day and savor every accomplishment.
I was never the cheerleader. I never dated the big ol' jock. I was not born into this realm of perfect looks and beauty.
I am built.
Every day I build a better me.
Someone at work asked me as I started this first challenge: "why are you doing this" - the answer is simple, be cause I can. Because yesterday I let myself believe life was for everyone else, but not for me. Fate allowed me to see that I was wrong. Life is for those who know that life is for living. Life is meant to be a struggle. Life is for learning. It is not meant to be lived "comfortable".